That Little Cliche Known as Self-Insert Story
by The Wolf That Got Away
Summary: (Book-verse, borderline crossing into the movie-verse) Set a few months after winning the Easter Egg, Wade Watts wondered if he could put himself as a fictional character in a story.


Ah, the Distracted Globe. It's a great place to get away from your daily problems and interact with people in the OASIS, which was what I'm currently doing right now.

I mean, look at all the craziness I've been through for the past five months. Stumbling upon one of the keys in Halliday's Easter Egg Hunt, out-competing other players to get on top of the score board, hunted down by IOI and losing my aunt, Mrs. Gilmore, and Daito in the ensuing fallout, battling IOI's Sixers with countless gunters, people who stood by my side while whacking Sorrento's ass (much to my immense pleasure), and to top it off gaining undisputed control over the OASIS via discovering the Easter Egg before he did. I'm pretty much a celebrity right now, and I am quite sure the hype wouldn't disappear until much later.

I thought my life after winning the Hunt would be easy; turns out I'm so unbelievably wrong. Now I've been named a co-owner of the entire OASIS world alongside GSS, which means I have an actual job that could potentially keep me hooked up all night with meetings and report-filing instead of playing games.

Sucks beyond belief, don't you think?

I'm kind of uncomfortable with all that, especially since I'm still reeling over the fact that I was _this close_ to being killed for real. That, and sneaking into IOI headquarters to bring them down, willingly entering it despite knowing that I could slip up and reveal my identity too early and get gunned down on top of it.

Furthermore, whatever left of IOI and their allies were systematically taken down by the best lawyers Ogden and I could hire. At first, they tried to sue me for using cheats and bribing other players during the Siege of Castle Anorak, which was completely absurd since the IOI was notorious for playing unfairly themselves during the Hunt. Thanks to Aech uncovering damning evidences that IOI was going to destroy the OASIS from the inside, we were able to turn the tide in our favor. No more indentured services, no more loyalty centers, no more cheating, and definitely no more hired mercenaries gunning us down in real life. Victory has never been this sweet, don't you think? I, for one, definitely agree with that.

Plus, look at the money we've won! Hundreds of billions of dollars! My companions suggested that I use the money to make the world a better place to live, maybe try to alleviate some of the world's problems. And I agree wholeheartedly with them.

No way will I end up as a recluse... or a crazy capitalist.

Halliday's right; only the real world is real. But that didn't mean we should abandon the OASIS altogether, seeing how much it changed the way Humanity live their lives. So I find myself dancing around, doing my best to act normal despite everything that has happened for the last three months after winning the Egg, accompanied by none other than Art3mis... or should I call her Samantha?

"Can you feel this? It takes you back, doesn't it?"

Yes, darling, I certainly do. She touches my abs just like before, during the party at the Globe, sometime before IOI's Sixers crashed it and ambushed us.

"I'm still wondering how much privacy we have here, sweetheart."

Arty laughs, "And I too wondered if we're not actually touching each other in real life. Good thing too, since we do this outside the others' watch. If Aech ever gets her eyes on us..."

"Good Lord, please don't give her ideas," I laugh too, spinning Arty in midair in slow motion then catching her hips to bring her closer, "The last thing we need is for her to spread rumors about 'sex-tapes'. But I know she won't do such thing." The beam in Arty's eyes sparks naughty thoughts in me. Why wouldn't it? She's soooo spunky and free-spirited, no wonder why I cyber-stalked her for years to no end. Had only she refused to reciprocate my feelings, we won't be here, celebrating for our victory and new, better lives.

We're probably not going anywhere until later in the evening, so don't wait for us. I'm just going to float here in the Zero-G dance arena, with Sam- sorry, Art3mis in my hands, dancing happily without care of the world.

 **-x-x-x-x-x-**

"What are you doing, sweetie?"

Oh fuck, I wordlessly swear as Samantha gave me a jump scare out of nowhere.

I'm sitting on the front porch of Ogden's mansion, wondering whether I could try to write down my thoughts and experiences so far into a book, or better yet, a fanfiction in my laptop. And just as the first chapter is nearing its completion, Sam had to jump on me and gave me the creeps!

"Ah, it's... it's nothing, I swear!"

"Z, you're one of the worst liars I've ever met." Ugh, of course she has to say that. I swear she can be a psychic sometimes.

God, her smile is so intoxicating I can't help but smile back and give her a kiss. Once we're done kissing, she sits next to me, curiously eyeing my laptop screen. Of course, I forgot to close the tab to hide whatever I wrote minutes ago. Sam leaned closer to read the texts, her expression shifted back and forth between excited and confused every few seconds.

"What's this? A novel?"

"Ah... well, not really," I answer sheepishly, "I'm trying to turn my life story into a fanfiction of sort but..."

"But?"

I can't find the correct word to describe what I have been writing so far, torn between wanting to spoil the story to her and keeping it for the readers. It's like the answer was hanging on my lips but won't come out. "Maybe I could explain it away as a super-dramatized version of the Easter Egg Hunt we've participated in, I think? So basically my OASIS avatar and yours are reimagined as someone new; different people altogether, maybe with different hairstyles too, but the premise is still there. You know, a world-changing VR technology which lets people play games in real-time simulations?"

"And the Easter Egg Hunt, too? How are you going to fit the event in your story?" Sam asked. I can already tell she sees my story as kind of too romantic or cliché-ridden.

"It'll definitely be there too. But the games are changed! I mean, for the first key, the Copper Key, we had to play Joust in a D&D setting, remember? Now, in my fanfiction, players had to do a racing game across an ever-shifting cityscape filled to the brim with traps and monsters from various movies and games. Sounds cool, don't you think babe?" Turning my laptop so Sam could read it too, I showed her the various scenes I planned for the book, including the ideas of this city race to get the Copper Key. Once, I catch her holding back a snigger at the mention of stuff like 'King Kong', 'Jurassic Park', and 'Final Fantasy'.

Further down the pages are story outlines which I intentionally change the details of my life. For instance, I painted my fictional self as a normal-looking teenage orphan with glasses, instead of a chubby, long-haired boy I used to be. You know, to keep people from digging up too much of my shameful past, as well as romantic plotline which does not make any allusion to my cyberstalking on Art3mis.

"Okay, this is positively spoiler for me. Not sure how the public will react to this thing you've written, by the way. But I am going to proofread it before you publish the book. I heard you're a terrible speller."

I playfully smacked her in the head, even though I knew she could be right.

I bet you a thousand credits that Arty's ide of proofreading might involve reading my novel / fanfiction / what-have-you aloud with Shoto, Aech, and Ogden as the audience. The thought alone was more or less cringe-worthy, since I'm not exactly the best speaker in real life situation. But God knows what Sam is about to do with the drafts, and for once I don't want to disappoint her.

"Okay, okay. I won't tell a soul, I promise! I guess you're that shy, huh?"

"Not shy, personally speaking. But promise me one thing; help me finish the book by adding your own mad ideas, mmmkay?"

Sam sticks her tongue out, jeering at me, "Or what, Zeezee?"

"Or I won't read it before you sleep."

She must've called me a prick under her smile. I don't quire hear it as she threw herself at me for a playful bearhug. Well damn, I think I just gave her a promise, and let me tell you; do NOT break a promise you've made to her. Ever.

"Wade, please. I'm a big girl and I certainly unquestionably don't need a bedtime story."

"Yes you do, babe."

"Oh really?"

"Yes" I dramatically raise my voice just to annoy Sam. "Last week I caught you wandering in the kitchen at night 'cause you couldn't sleep, and guess what? I told you a story and you fell asleep on my lap!" Technically speaking, I left out some details so that Sam cannot accuse me of being sleazy.

"I... that wasn't- ugh, alright. You win."

I grinned widely at her pouting face. She can be very cute when she does that. But alas, it means I really have to read my fanfiction to her to help her sleep easily.

As minutes ticked by, Sam and I decide to continue typing more ideas for the story, including bits where the great Parzival and his lover Art3mis brave through the horrors of a hotel made in honor of _The Shining_.


End file.
